I have extreme difficulty and embarrassment crying in front of anyone. I actually have an alter that comes out if I am about to cry in public and this includes my T.

I know I have a twisted brain but to me, crying in front of my T equates to being forced to stand in front of him naked. It also feels to me that the T would be gaining pleasure by watching me cry.

These thoughts are probably stemming from my trauma background but it is how I feel and think. No offense to anyone else. I wish I didn't feel this way but I can't seem to change it.