Quote:
Originally Posted by zoiecat
I have extreme difficulty and embarrassment crying in front of anyone. I actually have an alter that comes out if I am about to cry in public and this includes my T.
I know I have a twisted brain but to me, crying in front of my T equates to being forced to stand in front of him naked. It also feels to me that the T would be gaining pleasure by watching me cry.
These thoughts are probably stemming from my trauma background but it is how I feel and think. No offense to anyone else. I wish I didn't feel this way but I can't seem to change it.
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I don’t think you have twisted brain at all. I also struggle with huge embarrassment when crying in front of anyone and think this is why I’m struggling with the fact I can’t stop it on session when I always have had perfect control over it before.
I likened it to my last T that if I was to cry in front of him I would feel like I was standing completely naked and unarmed whilst at the same handing him ammunition which I know is going to be thrown at me at some point but I don’t know when. I guess it feels like handing over power whilst at the same time making myself extremely vulnerable and expecting that person to use that power that I have given them to wound me at some point.