I got out in 2016 after 5 years, as I have said. The pain has eased somewhat, but it is still there. That loss cannot be undone. Can't unring that bell. Again, I think for me it has been about trying to find meaning and something positive in it all. And I havea tried to do that. I try to support others when I can. I wrote a book about my experience. Maybe that will help someone or something. Have you tried jornaling or writing about it? Blogging? Writing a book? Something like that?