@Anandi you have been quiet, how are you doing?

There is such a big time difference from where you are and here where I am, it's morning here and where you are it's night. So here it's 11:17 in the morning and where you are it's 11:17 at night.

I was thinking more about what you shared and what your boyfriend said to you that frightened you. Well, considering some of the history you shared about him, it's not surprising that he doesn't really understand what "love" is or means. Because you have chosen to be a healer using a religion, I think that given this situation, it's important to understand that when you help someone that is looking for spiritual healing that has a very challenged history, and strong cultural messages, you are not going to get the same kind of deep understanding and sense of connection that you have yourself.

Everything you have shared that this man said to you is troubling, however, at least he was being honest. The "truth" can be pretty scary, and the truth this man shared can definitely fall into the scary realm. As a religious /spiritual healer part of what you are doing as a healer is to actually help others come to terms with themselves, forgive themselves and learn to overcome some of the ways they had to function to survive. When someone you loved/cared deeply about tells you they never loved you, they may be telling you how they do not have the ability to love the same way you do. That can be deeply distressing to hear from someone you felt a deep love for.

I have been thinking about how you are angry, felt he had lied to you for the past 6 months. Yet, he did not want to continue that so he confided some "truth" with you about himself. Even when he said, "I can't/don't love you but you have been an important person to me". I know that was so hard to hear, but, at least he was being honest with you. Anandi, as a healer having someone open up and share "truth" with you is important to that person's healing. The "truth" can most definitely be hard to hear, and equally hard for someone to say too. Yet, when someone does share the truth, that person must somehow respect you enough to do so.

You know, there are times when a person is way too hurt due to their history that they simply cannot ever have the capacity to love and trust. That would cause them to lose their sense of control, a control that person had to develop in order to survive. A hurt or be hurt mentality that person developed in order to survive is the only way they can function. Sometimes a person has a history of being invaded so badly that they can never truly form connections with others in a normal way, it's simply causes them to feel way too vulnerable and unsafe. Now through study there are labels for individuals who can only function a certain way that fall under the "disordered" catagory. These disorders reflect behavior patterns in individuals that result from how these individuals were exposed to environments that caused them to develop certain ways of surviving whatever environment they were exposed to when they were growing up in both a family environment and cultural environment. Human beings are designed to navigate and we all learn to navigate based on whatever environment we have to survive in. There is definitely a lot of gray when it comes to this reality about human beings. There simply is no real black and white as there are too many variables to consider including temperment and even how someone's brain is wired.

Well, often loving someone means having the ability to hear their truth, and be able to let go of what we wanted them to be that they could never be for us. So, as a healer, that will be something you will need to work on understanding as best as you can. It's not so easy to do.