The on/off switch from unloving behavior to loving behavior is really disconcerting. I really hope this doesn't mess with me long term. I am concerned. I don't plan on entering ANY relationships after this, so I suppose it won't even matter except for how I feel about myself and my own life once I am able to leave this messiness.

But the change from one day to the next between yelling obscenities at one another and saying "F you" to each other, to kissing, cuddling and affectionate loving behavior is too much of a stark contrast for me to stomach and even comprehend.

I am in a very unhealthy and toxic relationship, and I cannot believe I have done this to myself YET AGAIN.