Quote:
Originally Posted by bpcyclist
Thank you for the explanation, fern. In my opinoin, my brain seems permanently broken and unable to "rebalance" or whatever that is. I was just manic and psychotic for like, 8 months on all these meds. Maybe I should have stopped them all and then, would have gotten better? Dunno, rally. No idea. Way too hard for me to figrue all this out.
That said, if your general explanation is on the money, then, I foind this all incredibly depressing and hopeless for me and others like me. As I hvae said, even though we did it completely wrong, I have already stopped all my meds once before and the result was disaster. Maybe had it been done more gradually... But that is very frightening fo rme.
I have survived many things in life, inlcuding being tortured. There is virtually nothing that frightens me. Almost nothing. But one thing I do remain scared of is my own brain. That terrifies me.
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Yeah, I can appreciate that. It is the abyss I was staring into every time a provider told me this is my new future. I am this for life and will be on the meds forever is what they said. It may still be true. Who knows, but I won't label myself as broken.
As for permanently broken... I don't believe that, but I can see how you'd get there.
As far as no meds... That doesn't need to be a goal. If anything, I think it could be used as proof that you are not broken. Your body is shifting over time which is what it is built to do.
So I think maybe you can just use that knowledge to study the meds you're on and and then figure out the possibilities of what could happen when you make a change. You can know how to implement a change in a way that works better for you whether that means you decide to add more meds or lower some. Arming yourself with the possibilities ahead of time helps you to figure out your next move when one of them comes to fruition.
There is a balance possibility with meds and without it. Being off meds isn't some golden ticket you need to chase. In fact, it cpuld be detrimental. Sometimes people have genetic factors that make it such that they thrive with meds. That is nothing to be sad about.
Balance is a moving target with or without meds. Our emotional responses and thought patterns just do more of the controlling without meds... I'm just suggesting that the whole picture be considered when your needs change. That includes your thoughts, your feelings, outside influences, current meds and how they might interact and also shifts your body may have taken on its own. I realize that may feel daunting, so you can always leave it up to the experts... But they indeed are just guessing a lot of the time.
And then I also consider that maybe you don't need to figure it all out. Sometimes something complex can just stay that way when breaking it all apart leaves us feeling worse than when we started. If knowing how things work helps you, then great. But... They say ignorance is bliss for a reason
And... I feel you on the fear. My own mind was my biggest fear. I watched it turn itself inside out. I hold no judgment. It can be one scary ride.