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Map1976R79 · 10:13 PM

Hey. I’m Ember. I have Borderline Personality Disorder, Anxiety Disorders and experience periods of Hypomania. I’ve been working on it since I was about 4. I noticed it was a problem when I was around 10. I was odd. Lol. So I spent my entire life wondering why. I’ve had multiple ups and downs,

Possible trigger:

dealt with suicide of 4 family members by the age of 21, lost a child at 20,

stuff. Life things. But I did manage to get married to a wonderful man and have 2 beautiful children with him. My life is “normal” by all outside appearances. I just suffer. So I’ve been seeing psychiatrists and taking meds for years, well 20 actually, 20 years. I quit cold turkey last year. I was feeling pretty good for about 7 months after I got over the initial detox then I started to have nightmares that I couldn’t remember. I’d wake up crying, sweaty, shaking, terrified. I’d never end up getting back to sleep after either which was awful. Then I started getting terrible anxiety every time I was alone until I couldn’t stand to be alone anymore. This continued for about 2 months and I tried to cope on my own. During month 14 of my life without meds

Possible trigger:

I had a repressed memory situation occur. I remembered something vital about my childhood and myself and my father. I’d prefer not to say more. I’m 40. How could I have just forgotten a thing like that? It went on for 10 years!!! How did I forget I don’t know but I did. I ended up in the hospital 2 days after I remembered and I just wasn’t together at all. I was barely making sense other than that I had to tell someone. And so I did. I’m an only child, I’m putting my father in jail right now. The trial starts in July.

My parents are barred from contacting me or anyone in my house hold or my in laws, etc. I have 300 family members between my mother and fathers side of the family. None of them will speak to me. Well not kindly anyway. I had to delete all of my social media accounts etc. Anyway. I’m just having a hard time with all of this and I feel like crap most days but I can’t really just take time because I’ve got nowhere but the hospital (which scares me) to go, I don’t want to leave my husband and children, they’re the only people I know. I have no friends. People are disasters I prefer to avoid if I can. So yeah. I guess I just need a place to express how I’m feeling without burdening my husband with my pain. He feels bad enough and I don’t want to become the object of his pity. I’ve never really been one to let him see what’s going on inside of me. I don’t want to show my family how crushed and small I really am right now. That’s my intro. That’s mostly it. Thanks. Hope it gets posted. Good luck everyone.