Well, as I promised myself and others that I would always be flagrantly honest here, even if it got me into hot water, I am here to report that, over the past three hours or so, I have quickly climbed the ladder to pretty much frank hypomania. I am just euphoric out of my mind right now. So weird. My mania over the last two years or so has usually been dysphoric, very seldom do I get what I used to get in the 2005-2008 time frame, which was big-time euphoria. So, I stopped chasing mania a long, long time ago. It is usually no high for me. But today, and a month ago or so, I am suddenly really, super euphoric and high as a freaking kite!!!!!! Lahhhhhhhhh!!!

Not medication-related, just in case anyone is wondering. I am not currently on anything euphoria-inducing, unless someone knows of one of the meds in my signature below that could be doing this suddenly. Only supplement is fish oil. One and 1/2 cups of coffee today and no tea. No soda. No meds are new. Let me know if anyone has thoughts on that, please.

Anyway, just watching shows at home. Did pick up my Wellbutirn, but that has never, ever given me any kind of a high, as it has some other folks. Spose it is always possible, but I do not know why after all these years and no dose change, that that would suddenly happen out of the blue, but maybe one of you knows something about this I do not. Given what others I trust have been explaining to me here about how Wellbutrin does or does not work, I don't even know if it is even helping me anymore. Maybe not.

No exercise today, so, that is not it. I can only preliminarily conclude that this is just bp hypo. Again. Still just not stable really. Can't seem to find the sweet spot.

Traditionally, all my badass mania has come in June. Forgot about that, since I have been kinda depressed for a month. So, maybe...

Just for more info here, really, I have been dealing mostly with pretty severe amotivation for weeks now, since I came out of the many months of mania and psychosis in response to the addition of the Trilafon. Also, tons and tons of anhedonia, laziness, sleeping way too much and way too well for my traditional pattern of terrible sleep. Lots of mindles, stupid eating for no nutritional purpose, also out of character. Some definite sadness, though, not SI, thankfully. Some hopelessness, feeling like I will never be able to accomplish any of my very modest goals before I die. LIke finish my books and push them out the door.

All in all, for me, this really is not terrible depression, because the despondce and hopelessness are not as bad as they often have been and there is zero SI. So, not horrible, which is why it is so odd to me that I am now suddenly hypo again.

Anyhoo, I am writing too much, another sign of hypo. I once wrote an entire 90,000-word novel in three weeks when hypo. It was pretty good, for me. Thanks for any input and appreciate if anyone thinks I should be doing something else about this.

Gave up control of my money years ago after I spend $10K on guitars on ebay over a couple o fdays, so, no risk there. Will stay at home and stay off email and not tex, toerh than the one I just sent to the pdoc, who lets me text him when I need to. I don't abuse it, so..

Bought an expensive piece of salmon I could not really afford for dinner, so, will try to enjoy that and then, make Ghiradelli double chocolate brownies.

Hugs and love. My brain is so weird. So wierd.