Welcome to the thread WantPeaceofMind.

I am sorry that things are so difficult for you. It is awful when others control you and you cannot look after yourself they way you deserve. The pain is intense isn't it....

Our inner snake can be very hard on us. Your parents attitude towards you (most likely also while growing up) perhaps programmed your snake to behave this way. I have Complex PTSD with very severe depressive episodes. Reactive depression. Like you I struggle with every day life and I no longer work. My ongoing depression improved when I understood where it originated from. Anxiety and the emotional pain haunt me dragging me down.

It is hard for us to stay true to ourselves and raise our self esteem when faced with the situations we find ourselves.

I am in the UK so it is hard to understand your social system.

Have you tried self compassion, kindness and love?

Sending hugs to you