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sweetie said:
im so sorry for what you went threw. .. i will never understand doctors.. your wife was lucky to have you.. sometimes the people around us can do more than any doctor can.. just by hearing us.. I hope you can find a doctor that you can trust.. thank you for sharing what you've been threw.. and i completely understand what holds you back..

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I'm not sure she was lucky . I did my best but didn't always do very well as i got stressed a lot and i do not handle stress at all well.
I still beat myself up quite a lot and the guilt surfaces from time to time.
Then at other times i can rationalise it and say that i was mentally ill not even getting the help i am now(which isn't fantastic) and trying to look after a very ill wife in a very stressful situation and that both of us should have had a lot more help.

I do not know what the situation is like elsewhere but here in the UK social services are very reluctant/slow to provide support for a relative/partner looking after someone with dementia.
When my wife was eventually put in hospital to be assessed 90% of the relatives who were coming in to see there husbands/wives/mothers/fathers etc were on tranquillisers themselves as a result of the mental strain of coping while they waited for social services to provide support/their relative to be assessed.