Not OK to be sad, or to have any negative emotions.

I feel so sad right now. And, I feel like I've struggled with this my whole life. And honestly, it's probably "earned" sadness (i.e. my family kind of sucked, lots of emotional neglect, some major traumas, plus heck - the world can be a pretty sad place at times!)

I know that I learned some of this from my parents, who were completely uninterested in their kids emotions.

But, I've also lost friends because they couldn't deal with my stuff. Like, I had a good friend who once told me he felt like we must have known each other in a past life, because we had such a strong connection and so many similarities... and my stuff was too much for him in the end.

My last therapist told me that I reminded her of "Eeyore". Which made me feel incredibly judged, and like... seriously? This is therapy! Isn't this the one place where it's MOST appropriate to be honest about my feelings?

And, last night, I had a conversation with my neurofeedback guy. He is generally awesome, and there's a lot of positive stuff in my life thanks to him... although there's still a lot of work to do.

I was trying to get him to understand that he doesn't really see all the negative stuff, he doesn't all of it - and I'm not looking for any kind of emotional support around that stuff from him, but he probably needs to see it accurately to pick protocols that are helpful for me, since we're working on training my brain.

At some point, he mentioned Eeyore as well. He was much nicer than the old therapist about it, and he clarified that he meant it in the sense of "long suffering" - but I don't remember the entire context b/c I was already getting a little foggy and not taking in information really well.

I just feel like... I'm not allowed to be sad. Nobody wants to know how I really feel. People are fine with me being happy, curious, enthusiastic, caring, a good listener. But sad? Traumatized? Depressed? Actually having effects from my idiotic parents who should never have had kids and basically failed to parent in any useful way?

Yeah, no thanks. That's not fun. Please go back to being "happy guilloche".

I *know* he didn't mean it this way. He really has been awesome and helpful, and I've been working with him for a year now. But I just went to bed and cried afterwards. And am still feeling pretty crappy this morning. And didn't sleep much at all. And kind of drowning myself with chocolate.

Thanks for listening. Wondering if others encounter this too.