So, finally slept at maybe 230 or so for I would guess fiveish hours. Not bad, considering hwo up I have been. I feel euthymic so far today, but meds have not kicked in, so. Usually when I am in little manic blip or whatever, my Wellbutrin can kick me up a notch or two, so...

Was actually able to edit my hospital book for 90 minutes yesterday and it was high-quality work, so, hooray!! First time in over a month. I have been so ragged and so down and so amotivated. I also totally cleaned the kitchen, also a small triumph. It looks lovely now and I feel like less of an incompetent. Will try to do some more book work today. If I can finish my edits by end of August, then my editor can get it back to me by the 3rd week fo September and I can have it on shelevs for Christmans still, which has always been the goal. Nothing says Christmas quite like an investigative book about an abusive, giant state hospital system incinertaing civil rights, right?

Need to begin riding the bike again. Maybe, if I keep feeling okay today and stuff, i might be able to slowly add that back in, too. I am hopeful.

Does anyone else here ever feel sort of like they are constantly starting all over again, kind of? Like, you make progress and do well for awhile, and then, have a setback or two and have to kind of begin all over with different meds and stuff? I feel this way a lot. Kind of like I get a new diagnosisi ior something every so often, even though I don't ever get a different diagnosis. It is weird.

An interesting little observation about depression for me. So, amotivation and lack of ability to initiate action or huge issues for me with my depression. So, I got that back yesterday. But, quite interestingly to me, my actuial mood, actual affect, was just horrible. I was extremely sad all day. Nearly cried at one point, which just does not happen ever. So, once again, this process of depression mystifies. It is so complex and has so many individual moving parts. Maybe I will not be so sad today. I am going to have to change my antidepressants, I am sure of it... Thinking about stopping my lithium, I don't think it is helping me anymore, hard as that is to say, since it literally saved my life in 2008.

Love and hugs!!!!!!!!!