Self-blame will get me a pity party table for 1. I do have many blessings to count.

I am not a possession, but I don’t make money. Our deductible is 10k. With the kids needs, we don’t have money for therapy tbh. I don’t think he’s controlling me in the way you think. He pays for my psychiatrist. Also, with covid he got a 12.5% paycut as an essential worker. Some of our costs come from having 2 children with autism. It’s expensive