I could easily block certain websites, or password-protect any internet usage, or even lock down the computer by putting on a boot password. But the only definitive way of stopping her internet usage with the least amount of headaches is to disconnect our service. I'm going to call our internet company and see if they have the ability to disconnect the service for a length of time, kind of like disconnecting your cable service while you're on vacation. If they don't, I'll just cancel it completely. Which sucks both for me and for my kids, but there's no other way to make it work. If, after that, her decision is to go to the library instead to get her 'net fix... well, that's her choice, and I won't stop her. But that sends me a pretty clear message, doesn't it?

I've been told that sometimes when a spouse finally gets proper treatment for depression, they get just well enough to be able to leave and seek a divorce. I've thought about that. A lot. I honestly don't know if she loves me anymore.

It hurts just typing that.

It's not harsh to say, it's just... reality. It is what it is. But I owe it to myself and my family to set these limits, and I owe it to her to allow her to decide for herself what she wants to do after that. I can't force her to get help and I can't force her to love me, but I guess I'm going to force her to decide.

I've gotten some basic legal advice. There'd be a very good chance I'd get sole custody of the kids, considering her behaviour and medical history. A divorce would wipe us both out financially, though. I'm trying not to think about that part.