I know of someone who had a similar situation.

In this couple the one partner was super devoted to his family and parents, one of whom had a serious alcohol problem. It was his intention to devote himself to his parents and therefore not to have children or to have much time for a relationship.

As a result of this plan, the couple broke up.

That was about a year ago now, and the woman who broke up is doing well. It was hard at first, of course, but now she is thriving.

What your friend is doing is up to him, and might be noble, but it comes with costs to you. It is not selfish of you to consider those costs.

A good life involves caring for others, yes, but it also involves caring for the self, the human self that you are entrusted with. Is that human self of yours is being well-cared for at the moment?

I personally faced a question like yours many years ago. My mother demanded that I live in the part of this country where I grew up. That wasn't what I wanted, though, and so I didn't do that. She gave me a lot of grief over it, but in retrospect it was the right decision for me.

I don't judge either of you as unfair or selfish or doing "too much". It just sounds like he made the decision that he considers best for him, and I think you should make the decision that seems best for you. Is it best for you to have a partner who is absent, pessimistic, always tired, not trying, and never intimate? It is quite possible to love someone and yet realize that a relationship with that person is not working out.