I'm sorry you are feeling so... defeated(?)... is that an appropriate descriptor? I'm a few years older than you (72) and I guess my story is different. (I'll spare you the details!) But I'm certainly familiar with depression & anxiety.

I don't know if it would be helpful, but I thought I would draw your attention to this Psych-Central-supported website for people with unrelenting depression & anxiety just in case you're not aware of it:

Project Hope & Beyond

My best wishes to you...