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*Beth* · Jul 03, 2020 at 02:57 AM

It's happening again. That feeling of lacking fire, a dull blah with no creative impulse. The cement-colored greys. This is normal? How do people live like this? I've been stable for at least 5 months, and it's getting to me. The lack of the hypomanic high, colors, sounds, feelings, I miss them.

My last manic episode was in 2018, 4 months and it was disastrous, with the final result of me ending up being taken in miserable handcuffs to the hospital by the cops. So it's not that I want a mania, not at all. Only the touch of that fire that a hypo gifts.

Spoke with my therapist today, she reminded me that I've been here many times, especially when I'm stable. True. Then spoke with my psychiatrist, who gave me her blessing to lower my Lamictal dose from 225 to 200 I was hoping for more like 225 down to 100.

Aaah, I'm just sounding off. Thanks for listening.