Few months ago, I recalled a memory I'd supressed for almost 20 years. Three boys had tried raping me. I thought I was done with my memories from that school, but apparently I have this last Jack-in-the-box to deal with.
I can't stop thinking about it. And it rekindles more memories from that era, memories I thought I'd defeated, such as getting thrashed, getting bullied, and a classmate throwing me down the stairs. I'm not exactly scared, not anymore, though I'm still kinda jumpy, and still have fantasies of beating people. Mostly, there is something in those memories I feel I cannot let pass. Something I can change from inside me, even now. I have no idea what. I'm obsessing over that feeling, but I can't figure what it is. It's annoying.
There's a bright side. I always felt that something was wrong inside me, and suddenly a lot of things make sense. Remembering the attempted rape unlocked something. I finally have a shot at facing this, at getting unblocked. Which is nice.