I realize I came down rather hard on you unnecessarily PinkandBlue. So, my apologies. I just have not witnessed any reciprocal couples throughout my life, who are really there for each other. That is a shame that none of your friends would help you. They abandoned you when you needed them, and you compromised your health by not going through with a procedure you probably really needed to have done. I'm sorry that happened to you.

I understand what you are saying about the qualities that make for a good marriage: true reciprocity; both people are there for each other in their times of need, financially supporting each other and the family they create together, and emotionally supporting their partner whom they have love and respect for. I don't think that makes you child-like to need your friends to help you. I'm sorry if my post gave you the impression I view you that way. I don't. Not at all.

The things you think about are practical worries and you gave good examples of the outcomes for those worries. Having a community of support can be helpful for older single adults. But, you experienced disloyalty from your friends when you needed them to be there for you. And that is one of the risks of relying on people for help. They won't always step up to help.

Being single isn't ideal and there's no way to control every possible outcome even if you're married. I think being human is an adventure we can't really control, no matter how much we try to.

Since this is your second marriage, how invested in it are you? Do you want to work things out with your husband? Or, do you feel like its better to leave? Have you and your husband had your first marriage counseling session yet?