Hi everyone. I haven't been around for a while so I feel guilty for asking for opinions, but here goes.
My T is an analyst. Picture having a session with Freud.
He is very good at what he does but sometimes he contradicts himself.
Since we're having phone sessions, I'm finding it hard to connect with him. This last session something got me hysterically crying. He said "you know you can always reach me by e mail and I'll either answer or call you".
He was very caring and made me feel a bit better. Then he sent an e mail. He said he made a big mistake by telling me that and he'd rather see his patients suffer, and if they do, he didn't really care. That if I e mailed him he would choose whether to answer me or not. I only e mail if I'm in crisis. The way he works has to do with be dependant on him. I'm not at that level yet and he knows that. My last T was very different. I could call him if I was having a hard time and it helped. Suddenly I need to get used to having no one when I'm in crisis. One minute he warm and compassionate, the next, rather cold and cruel. Since this is analysis, maybe he has a reason for it.
The last time he was kind of cruel, I was inpatient . He came storming into my room, screaming at me. He said "HOW DARE YOU!!" He didn't give me a chance to speak. He was enraged that I was unhappy that he wouldn't be treating me and I hated the unit I was on. I didn't feel I could get help there. This was made more confusing because of Covid. I had to go to a medical hospital to be cleared before I went to the psych hospital. I believed the medical hospital knew I was his patient and would assign me to him. He had told me to tell the doctor at the ER that. The next day he e mailed me and said he didn't see my name on the census and was I admitted. There was some kind of mix up and I went to a unit that my doctor didn't work on. I said " forget it...I want to go home". cause I knew this would be unhelpful. That's why he flew into a rage and screamed at me for what seemed like forever. Because I was"entitled"; expecting things to go my way. I was told I would get him and the usual unit before I went.I
To top it off, I emailed my med.T to ask if I could take something for the horrible panic. Med T called me but said e mail was an inappropriate method of contacting him. I can't call either T. I have never felt so scared and alone. My only option when I'm in crisis is to go to the ER. All I wanted was to talk to him.
Both T s made me feel like crap and that neither cared.
I'm sorry I rambled about this. It IS confusing. I'm very hurt and depressed but it's like both are telling me tough s*it.