I’m having second thoughts about buying a house right now. If we did, we’d most likely not close until sometime after school starts. Unless we get one particular house we are looking at, my son will have to switch elementary schools again. I don’t want to do that to him during the school year. I honestly don’t want him to do that at all, considering he just switched schools last year. There is only one house in his particular school zone that is for sale. Plus, I talked to my landlord and if we leave, we will be responsible for this house’s rent until it gets rented out again. I’m sure it would be rented out quickly as it’s a nice house and we have made many improvements to the yard. But my stupid cat ripped up the carpet in a few places so it would need to be replaced. And he scratched the walls because he’s an a-hole so that would have to be fixed too. I don’t know how long that would take. So I just don’t know. We don’t want to wait but still...it might be better.

I’ve been struggling to come to terms with my relationship with my late husband. I honestly didn’t realize how messed up it was until I started dating RS and he was so good to me. He has never accused me of cheating on him, unlike my husband who did it several times. He has only gotten mad at me once, which was completely justified and he actually talked to me about it rather than just screaming at me and then giving me the silent treatment, leaving me begging him to just tell me what I did wrong and how I can fix it.

I’m also struggling with what I should/could have done differently, especially after my husband admitted his addiction, went to detox, tried for a few months and then continued to do drugs right under my nose. I should have separated our accounts so he couldn’t continue to clean us out, and I should have had a backbone and refused to take him to the ER for pain pills and let him buy off the street when he claimed to be in extreme pain. I just didn’t want to get screamed at.

I dunno. I’m definitely glad to be going back to my regular therapist so I can work through all these thoughts.