Motts, I appreciate your no-nonsense outlook. I find it enlightening that there are so many dysfunctional marriages. I come from a background where mostly everyone I knew had a healthy, happy and loving union and that is what has shaped my wish to have the same again. On my stbx's side, his family does not typically forge a happy or reciprocal union, so that is why our marriage really has little chance of success. I know this logically. Emotionally I am still grieving and all over the road.

We are about to have our first marriage counseling session in a few days. I did speak with the doctor and I asked him what he would do "if" he received an email from my stbx prior to meeting us which had a format of: poor me I am a tragic figure, I am treaded badly by women, this is the diagnosis I am expecting you to render and the burden of change needs to be on my wife. He let me know that he is a doctor with years of experience and is able to see through the manipulations my stbx may try to perpetuate. He said that in session (and in front of me) he would let him know this is unacceptable. The doctor assured me he is professional and will not "take sides". I suspect the stbx is only willing to go to therapy because he currently believes he is going to manipulate the doctor and his interest will wane as soon as he sees the doctor is more intelligent than he is and won't be played.

I also see that a marriage cannot survive where there is no trust, where there is abuse, where there is no real union. So, I suppose it doesn't really matter that I want a good marriage. I don't have one in this marriage and I will need to let go of the one benefit there is in this union -- which currently I am finding difficult to accept. Time heals and I am working on plans to make myself happy after the divorce.

I hope you are doing well, Motts, and that you will have a happy and healthy July 4.