I’m losing my nerve. He’s love bombing me and is being his sweet loving self. All it takes is another disrespectful comment or another blowup, but right now things are smooth.

I really don’t know how to navigate this. I’m still steadfast on following my plan to not tell him until I’m ready, but it’s so hard pretending things are ok while I’m secretly planning to leave him. It’s sooo uncomfortable. There’s guilt, but I know I shouldn’t feel guilty for taking care of myself and my well being. And once his dark side comes out, at any time, he’s a total monster. I have to bare in mind at all times that he has two sides to him: Jekyll and hyde. He’s abusive. I can’t feel guilty for wanting to and planning on leaving someone who is abusive. This is soooo hard. If he were an a-hole all the time it would be easier.

I have to remember that just last weekend he was calling me a b-i-t-c-h and Was yelling at me like he hates me. This week I’m the “woman of his dreams” and the “love of his life”. BS. You don’t treat your spouse this way. Period.