Thanks. Most people don't appreciate my no-nonsense outlook. I am am empathetic person but I don't present it as people expect from empathetic people. Does that make sense? I'm very blunt. To the point. Direct. A lot of people don't like that about me. But it's who I am. I try to respect other people's feelings but often come across too pedantic for my own good.

I'm glad you were able to get confirmation from your marriage counselor ahead of your first session about his boundaries with emotionally manipulative clients. If your husband is an emotional manipulator, hopefully your marriage counselor will call your husband out on it. At our first family therapy session after my father died when I was 21, our family therapist called out my siblings and mother for being emotionally manipulative and gaslighting towards me. I felt victorious when that happened, watching the three of them argue in protest and further gaslight me during the session, which the family therapist put a stop to. We only lasted 6 sessions before those three quit, further preventing any possibility of healing my dysfunctional family system. It remains fractured to this day.

I know the thought of being single scares you for the financial reasons. But you can use social security can't you? To help you with your rent payments once you are on your own? You can also look for older women roommates a la The Golden Girls. There are solutions to the financial losses of divorce. I've never been married. But I've been in financial straits long enough to know how to make ends meet for myself when I have to.

I agree with you that a marriage cannot survive without trust, where abuse is present, and there is no real union between both people. It does matter that you want a good marriage. But if your stbx isn't capable or doesn't want that, then he's doing you a favor by the divorce. Why stay married to a toxic partner for the financial security? I mean, people do that ALL the time. Stay married to toxic spouses b/c they need the financial security. I get it.

Just turn off your fears and try to problem-solve all the solutions to financial straits after divorce: roommates, social security payments, savings, etc.

I hope you can have a relaxing day today. I'm going to clean my studio apartment windows and go for a walk. That's how I'll spend my 4th!