Thank you so much for your responses. It really helps to hear other perspectives, and as sorry as I am to hear that others have experienced this too, I also feel some relief knowing I'm not alone. I've done a lot of googling on transference, but in practice, I feel like the experience is far more nuanced and emotional than a general article will describe.

I am fortunate to have a great support system in friends and colleagues, but quarantine has definitely made the therapeutic relationship more intense for a whole number of reasons..

I've considered a male therapist and will think on it more, but if I'm honest with myself, I don't think I'd open up with a man or trust him in the same way I would trust a woman (which maybe is something else I need to sort out).

I believe physical touch is something my T usually doesn't do within her professional boundaries. And she can be a little irresponsible with these things she gives me because she's not used to doing it and doesn't always think it through. But all that Lonelyinmyheart said has really resonated with me- being held and receiving hugs have been so healing to me, and I'm so thankful for them, even if there's the flip side of me feeling sad not having her in my life more. I know my therapist will continue to be uncomfortable talking about this topic, but I really want to push through that and keep having this conversation with her. I'm hoping that will help with the healing process -- not just in my relationship with her but also with making peace with all the other women who I've experienced this transference with since childhood and all the women I may experience it with again....