If only I had the guts to leave him just before we married when he blew up at me for not buying him a $300 pair of pants for the wedding. I knew in my gut then that he is abusive. At the time, I didn’t want to face a second failed engagement, I didn’t want to lose $7,000 that I paid for our vacation/honeymoon, and I didn’t want to lose out on having a vacation when I hadn’t had one in 15-20 years.

I knew on our wedding day when he blew up at me yet again that morning. Then we only made love once on our whole honeymoon because we were fighting or at odds half the time. He was grumpy and difficult the first two days because he didn’t have any weed. It was only then that I realized he’s an addict and can’t get by without it.

Wow. If only I had had the guts. But I didn’t. I couldn’t pull the trigger. I couldn’t face it then.

I guess at least I’m facing it now regardless. One year of marriage. Two and a half years of my life in total.

I hope turning 50 brings better things in life for me.

Talked to a close girlfriend who is 55, single, never married and happy. I want to just be single and happy. No more relationships for me. I’m done. Too many toxic relationships... i can see myself being very happy and fulfilled being single. Ive had it. Throwing in the towel and choosing a different road.