In response to the original OP
Quote:
Originally Posted by WavedLori
I think the only way to get better is to discuss the "brutal" details like how she'll never love me the way I want to be loved by someone, how she'll never take care of me while I'm sick, etc. It sounds awful, but it's as if I want to be emotionally rejected and beaten down by her as much as possible to just really convince myself to stop feeling this way.
Do you have any thoughts, or has anything similar happened to you? (Thank you!)
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I totally agree with you - the only way to get better is to discuss these things as long and as much you feel you need. Of course, your therapist has to be able to support this, by accepting your feelings, holding space for them for as long as you need and not trying to minimize them, redirect the discussion to somewhere else or outright reject them.
My personal experience is that it is possible to work through it. What does it look like? It feels as if the hole that you have inside you now has been closed. In that place, where there currently is the intense longing, will be the quiet feeling and firm knowledge that you are and have been held in someone's mind. And then you don't need the physical presence of that person anymore, in technical terms you have internalized her and she has become part of you. Then, when feeling upset, you can draw calmness from that internalized presentation of that person from inside yourself.