hi...I have been married for almost 11years and together 13. my story is so long I don't think my fingers could handle typing it all. gonna try and break it down as short as possible.
My husband is 37 today I am 32. He has a 16 and 14 yr.old from his 1st marriage. His ex left him with a secret bank account in my husbands moms name. she decided to leave him and he meet me. Then she got decided she wanted to work things out.He decided he was done for the final time. Honestly, i never thought after our one night stand that i would ever see him again. I was 19 and stupid. Terrible divorce, fighting over kids, money and etc. and his family stood by his ex the whole time and went to child support court with her. My husband will be the 1st to admit and his ex...that they where young and foolish. They made lots of mistakes. They didn't know each other well and had 2 kids. The 5 years they where married...they lived in different houses for over 3 years of it.
Ok... My issues are with the in-laws. They are driving us nuts and do nasty things behind our backs. (His sister is the one who does things to our daughger)Like talk about our 9 year old child that we have together...things like she gets to do more than the other 2 kids...that there is something about her nose...she told a pageant friend of ours that then they told us(this list could go on and on and on...I have 13 years of storys).They have dis-invited my husband to family functions and I had to put my husband back together. I was the middle man with the ex...The kids have lived with us for going on 6 years now. We have done the very best to blend this family. I am a stay at home mom so I can do all the running and if someone is sick...do one losses their job.
But the roles reversed about the time 5 years ago. I husband will admit that he was a terrible husband and father (with the ex) He had drug problems and just not happy with his life. Not saying I am the one that changed all that, but I know I had a great deal to do with it. I know that the family labeled me with that Scarlet letter..I am the one that broke them up...I'm the one he left his wife for. But his ex has told be before...she knew it was a matter of time. Not saying what I did was right...but I was young and made mistakes. But I fell head over heals in love with him...and he did too. Our relationship has been rocky at times...but neither of us would ever leave each other...we talk about everything, he does all the little things and makes me laugh. He's my best friend. We have a awesome marriage.
But his family still reminds him of all the bad ways and things he has done. His Mother treats the kids differently. She treat her daughters different than her son. (my husband cannot stand his sister and hasn't spoken to her in a year)His sister was just done so many outright devilish thinks to me and to my child and her brother. We had a huge blow out last year and since then we try very hard to avoid each other.And every so often...they call or have my niece call...to start crap. Not just calling to say hi...having the child deliver adult issues. Then his mother calls...and says that we are taking it the wrong way...she Always defends her. Now...I used to say I am sorry to keep the peace. Lord knows I don't ever want to be between him and his family. I know that the issues truly don't lie with me...they have no relationship with there son and frankly I don't know if they even like him. he is 37...today. He is a completely different man than the one I married. And they don't know him enough to buy him a gift.
But they won't leave us alone. We haven't denied them seeing the kids. They go to all the family functions...that they want to attend. We are not calling them and will say hi...in passing (my husband talks with his mom and dad). But since all this we are called Hypocrites and that we should work it out for the sake of the family. And damn it...I'm done...so is he. They try to control things, call and give unwanted advice...what WE should do...
We have a 16 that has done everything possibly wrong...this year...she calls to inform us that she knows something about him...but can't revile her source...We ask that when the 16 yr.old is with them...that he be bought back by a certain time...they ignore that...or excuse me...got side tracked...
Anyways...I could go on forever.
My question is this....
I am angry...there is a new situation this week. I'm sick of the drama...we have enough in our home already.(son got suspended for drugs for 10 days this week and his mother is asking about taking his daughter on a weekend trip...a pageant on fathers day weekend...our daughter said no...and we didn't want her to spend the weekend...with his sister..if it was only his mother than we wouls have no problems with it, but we have problems with his sister and the things she has said to out kids and how she raises her...we just dont want her around her for any length of time. He told his mom...and what does she do Sunday...has her try a dress on that she bought her to do the pageant!!! ...that they will be home on fathers day and that she will get to see him) Well...he told his mother no already. She calls and wishes him a Happy Birthday...then goes into...well I really want her to go...she will be back in time...And gets all upset when he said that he already told her his answer...and she says that he needs to just think about it a bit more...that it wasn't fair to her granddaughter...and we where being selfish.
Why wont they quit? I am so tired of being hurt over and over...watching my husband be hurt over and over.
What do we do? Tell them no visits with the kids...and completely cut them off? Or do we let her go...and stay the weekend in a hotel room with the 2 of them? I say hell no...but I don't know anything anymore!
Talk god that we love each other so much and talk about everything...because if not...this would all be talked about in divorce court...love is what keeps us strong.
Any advice is welcome and my best friend of 15 years...keeps telling me to write a book...all our friends and my family think his family is awlful...and the hear the day to day stuff...they all told us to completely break all ties with them. We never had because of the kids...and no matter what...That is my Husbands mom and dad..and family.
ok...I'm done...
thanks in advance