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Originally Posted by Xerox
Nothing, really.
It was eerie how he asked to speak to me out of nowhere and for no particular reason minutes after I had written about him here.
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Ah, coincidence. You're probably over thinking this. If he were reading your post, he wouldn't be upset or surprised about what you've told your therapist about him.
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And I'm still writing to him. Full fledged plans for sex and everything.
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Are you going ahead with these plans? It's not right to lead him on if you have no intentions.
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I may be naive, but I think there is at least a 50-55% chance this guy is not a a predator. At least that he wouldn't rape or murder me.
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Well, you've been to his house, naked in his bed, and he did not force any sex on you. You're telling him you're very interested in having a casual sexual relationship with him. I suspect if he were a predator, he'd be more in control of this.. he would have raped you, already. I'm not so sure he's a predator, either.
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He's still coming on strong with all these plans for our future. The already guy had me in his bed, cuddling and making out with me, completely nude...I've continued to tell him I'm only interested in a casual sexual relationship (with maybe a sprinkling of friendly, non-sexual activties...)
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He's attracted to you and you're leading him on. He's closeted and wants to get away from real life so he can be "himself" without any fears. Has he been with other men before?
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Isn't that all a predator would want? Someone who will traipse over to their big, rambling, isolated home in an area they are not at all familiar with, and who is willing let them have their way with them?
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I would think a predator would want to control their victims. It's not about the sex. I don't think they're so much interested in their victim giving them consent at all. They want and need the power. He sounds eager and desperate to be in a relationship with a man.. perhaps, at last.
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He's talking camping at Joshua Tree and at the Yosemite, going on a gay cruise, visiting San Francisco...Referring to himself as my boyfriend.
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Well, he's in his 60s.. and you've been leading him on. He may be in the Honeymoon phase with you.. excited to be with a man and desiring to get away to fulfill his lifelong dreams.
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The minute I show disinterest in any of this, he says he's not really serious, that he is just thinking of 'what may come to be'. Apologizing for coming on too strong. He's continually flip-flopped like that since I began talking to him.
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He may be afraid he's scaring you away by his forwardness. He's been pretty clear, though. He wants a secret boyfriend to go away with and enjoy, without judgment by the people who know him. He wants to feel free. If he's closeted at 60, it's probably had a profound effect on his mental health. He's been suppressed for all his life.. it's sad. That would mentally harm anyone.
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He's also pushing hard for me to at least spend the night.
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How would he feel about doing so in a motel? Have back-up support, in case, by the motel staff?
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He's not getting or doesn't care how difficult it would be for me to explain to my parents that their depressed 31 year old with zero relationship experience is suddenly having a love affair, but to please not ask too many details...
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I'm not getting it, either. You're 31 years old. Your parents are not entitled to this information. You can simply tell them you've met someone. It's not for them to pry.. so for this, I understand where he's coming from. I know you "feel" like a teenager but you are a grown adult. Your parents need to respect your privacy. So ya, you CAN tell them not to ask you any questions at this time.
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Why is he making this more complicated than it already is? I don't get it.
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I would think it is you who is making this VERY complicated.. not him.
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By the way, today he actually offered to speak to my therapist. In person. He insists it be in person
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Ask your therapist for his opinion about this.
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I told him he had some concerns about my safety. He became really upset because he's wondering what I could have told him to arouse his suspicions. Until a few hours ago--when he texted me a picture--I thought we were through.
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That's a natural feeling to have. I'd wonder the same thing if I were him. If he's wanting to meet your therapist and put himself out there like that, then he's not in hiding. It sounds to me like he really just wants you as his secret lover.