Abuse is abuse...no matter how often often it happens. I got a divorce after 31 years of verbal and some physical abuse. The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life. Every time we are abused, the body releases cortisol and cortisol damages the immune system.Quite often we marry someone like the original abuser and try to fix the past. Usually it isn't a good idea for couples counseling when one is an abuser...the abuser needs their own therapy, before getting into couples counseling. Abusers are extremly insecure...it is all about power and control. Unless he deals with his own issues, the abuse won't stop. I grew up abused by my mother and married somelike her; it is very typical.