Quote:
Originally Posted by MsLady
It's best you be clear about this then stop the communication if he's not accepting your boundaries..
Have you told him this, clearly? "I will only have sex with you, nothing more." If this is something he's objected to then any further communication is misleading.
I think you've led him on. You've been corresponding with him for a long period of time now, with continued sexual ideations. You've met him once in over a month. You make plans to get together but either have no intentions or you're unsure of them, despite knowing what he's wanting from you. You're leaving him hanging and are in full control. This is what I'm understanding, anyway.
He told you so from the beginning. If you thought he was a predator who planned on lying/hurting you, you ignored it. Instead, you continued to develop a relationship with him by discussing private information about yourself. These conversations weren't just about sex. If that's all you're wanting, you've given him more. A month is a long time to correspond via text.
Then in this situation, it was probably best to walk away. It looks as if you were wrong about this guy and now he's been led to believe there's something great between the two of you.. and by that, because you continued to engage with him. He's seemingly excited about you, as a lonely 60year old closeted man, and it's best that you not play with his heart.
I'm curious to know more about this. Why is this the case? Why do you feel like this?
Ok. He also very quickly mentioned about taking you on trips and having you move in with him. This needed to be addressed at the beginning, and if you did, it didn't stick because you didn't solidify that boundary.. and by that, it may have meant to block him.
Tell him now that you're not sure how the expectations between you escalated so quickly. You understand he's wanting more than you're prepared to offer him but that you're only interested in casual sex, a few times per week, NOT as a boyfriend. If this is something he's no longer interested in, tell him you'll need to move on without him.
On what condition would you consider a real relationship with him? This online interaction is not real and easy to fall prey into fantasy of what could be. If you think there's a possibility, it's best you both spend time together, in real life, in a public place, and NOT at his farm. I get you're both closeted, though.
It sounds like he got his hopes up. A young man half his age is paying him with a lot of (online) attention, for over a month. You've been intimate with each other and make further plans with him. It's understandable, if he's truly not a predator.
Exactly.
What do you need in your life right now to be able to give him what he needs? What are your obstacles?
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Sadly, I don't think we will come to a compromise.
He texted me last night that if I 'wanted this to happen', I need to tell my parents I'm in a relationship. That way my availability won't be hindered by my needing to hide this from my parents...
I am prepared to have a sexual relationship with him. In that regard, I haven't led him on. I've told him I find him very attractive and sexy, and am ready to explore all kinds of things with him.
The huge difference between him and the first guy--who was very open, honest, cut and dry and no strings attached--is that this guy is actually as attracted to me as I am to him.
The first guy was someone who just got a kick out of having sex with another man. He's bi-curious, but not exactly attracted to other men. It doesn't make him a bad guy, but in retrospect it made the sex less exciting--even though we did go 'all the way', which I did enjoy a great deal.
The limited amount of sex I've had with this 'farm guy' was much more what I imagined sex would be like, even though we didn't go all the way. Just making out with him is a huge charge.
We've sent hundreds and hundreds of emails to one another over the past month....I don't know if I ever made it clear enough that I'm only interested in a strictly sexual relationship, with
some friendly non-sexual activities, like movies and dinners. I thought I was clear about my interests, but apparently not.
It seems that the fact that I've written to him so extensively gave him the impression I'm ready to be his first boyfriend. I didn't realize that until now. You're right.
So I agree, I do need to be blunt with him. I am up for sex--as well as light 'friendly' activities (dinners, movies)--for 5-6 hours, twice a week. I will cuddle with him in bed (I did like that), but I can't stay the night.
That is what I must tell him. I can't do more--not now.
I would consider a real relationship with him if I wasn't currently living with my parents. I still think he's going too fast, as far as cruises and camping trips in the desert.
But yes, I understand he's high off the fact that a young guy finds him very hot, and so might get ahead of himself.
It's been an open secret I'm gay since I was a kid. It's still a huge, scary step to openly admit I'm gay, and to tell them I'm having a relationship. Especially with a 63 year old man.
I have mental health issues on top of all this that I've had a harder time coping with lately.
There is no doubt in my mind they would be worried I'm endangering myself. I don't want to worry them anymore than I already am. I know I am an adult, but I still don't want to cause them even greater concern than they already are grappling with.