I can relate. My mom had the tendency of questioning us about how we did things, like we overlooked an important detail and needed to "double check" things. Even if we were certain of ourselves, she'd not be convinced... "Just call them tomorrow," .. "Oh, I would find out, if I were you." We were basically "incompetent" beings that needed "guidance". Only she could think up possibilities that would become "detrimental" to us, had we not taken her advice. Dear Lord.

A few years ago, she demonstrated to me how to slice a tomato.. I was already in my 40s, a parent of a teen, and an experienced cook. The arrogance in her, as she showed me, in front of others. What a "great mom".

Or I'd pick up a "breakable" from her coffee table, for a closer inspection, and she'd announce, "Don't touch it. You'll break it," .. and continue on with her conversation as if she hadn't said anything rude to a 40 year old, at all. I'm not clumsy. I COULD GO ON.

So yes, these little habits speak volumes and I hear ya, fully.

I very quickly learned not to tell her anything until AFTER the matter. I wished my siblings had done the same, as they often got sucked into her opinions and needless worries.

You can't change your mom but you can change how you view her. You can build self-confidence without her and learn to be more assertive with her.. set boundaries, etc.

I can imagine how discouraging she can be. Stay strong!