Quote:
Originally Posted by feileacan
In response to the original OP
My personal experience is that it is possible to work through it. What does it look like? It feels as if the hole that you have inside you now has been closed. In that place, where there currently is the intense longing, will be the quiet feeling and firm knowledge that you are and have been held in someone's mind. And then you don't need the physical presence of that person anymore, in technical terms you have internalized her and she has become part of you. Then, when feeling upset, you can draw calmness from that internalized presentation of that person from inside yourself.
|
This is a great description how it feels. Although sometimes painful, sometimes hopeless, this is how it went. The transference - maternal kind for me as well - just slowly faded, and also the hole disappeared. I don't go searching anyone to fill it with anymore. I'm out ot therapy and done with that, and it feels great. And the best thing of course is, that it was not just the therapy relationship that resolved, but the hole and all the other relationships with it too.
And how I got there? I think each therapist and client is different but for me it was:
- talking about it. For years. Telling her exactly how it feels, having her listen and accept these feelings. She was always accepting and willing to talk about it.
- each client and T is different, but for me giving (not withholding and restricting) did the trick. She always responded to me, was reliable and consistent. And she definitely let it happen, the feelings for both. I don't think there would never have been another route. It's about feelings, not about intelligence. It does not heal through intelligence and reasoning. It heals trough feelings. And my feelings and heart constantly received what I needed, her precence, her real feelings back and endless discussion about it all.
So I want to give you couragement, OP. It is natural and very understandable. And it can be resolved over time.