I have decided to move 2,000 miles to be closer to my adult son and to be back living in my "homeland" - an area of the country I have longed to return to.


This plan materialized after I had another major meltdown last week and talked to several crisis counselors on the phone.

I will put it simply. I hate where I am living (a western mountain state) and did not move here by choice - it is where I moved for my now ex-partner's work. I actually pleaded with him for us to find a new life somewhere else (on the eastern seaboard) because I had lived briefly in this state before...and did not like it. I have never thrived here.


This was a wholesome place to raise my child but ironically he moved to my "homeland" area on the east coast for college and has remained there. I have been empty-nested for eight years and during this time my mental health has gotten progressively worse.


The main thing is I DO NOT WANT TO DIE ALONE HERE WITH NO FRIENDS OR FAMILY NEARBY.


With Covid19 I think my increasing anxiety has been telling me this. My lease is up and my rent is ridiculously high because this state has become a "growth state" and everyone is moving here. Rents have become sky high and affordable housing is scarce.


I am at high risk for Covid19...and was looking for work when Covid19 began. I have been living alone and isolated in lock down mode in a small studio apartment for 15 weeks. All I want is to be back in my "homeland" where the cost of living is cheaper, and to be near my son, his girlfriend, and my "grand-dogs".

Finally, I spent weeks trying to get "help" in my city, county, and state. Although my fixed income is not covering rent and bills and I have used up savings...I am not eligible for ANY PROGRAMS...including help with rent, bills, food assistance etc. Sure, if I became homeless then maybe I would get help with affordable housing, groceries etc. - but they keep saying I am not eligible - even though I am only a very small amount over the eligibility limit. Some people have told me to just lie on the public assistance eligibility forms...but that is just stupid. They do check on the validity of the form whether through IRS or demanding proof via receipts of bills etc. My local church helped out with a few minor bills during lock down...but it is hardly enough.

If I moved to an area where the cost-of-living is lower I could squeak by...and make the transition to finding more work from home. Most of all I would be near my son and his girlfriend. He can't help me out financially too much but we have a great rapport and living near him would give me peace-of-mind. He is very skilled...could work on my car when needed for minor things or just checking oil and fluid levels...help me with anything I needed around the house. He can even build furniture. He is all around super supportive and we really enjoy one another - which I think is uncommon with an adult child.


I don't have the required finances to move. I have excellent credit and have kept three credit cards at zero balance for four years. My credit rating is in the excellent range. My plan is to use my credit cards (or one with lowest lending rate) and also talk to my bank as to best way to do this. I took out a loan once to cover living costs and paid it off successfully. I have been with the same bank for decades, and can continue with them in the new state.


If I move somewhere with a lower cost of living (and I believe better social services) I think I will be able to handle paying off the debt accrued by moving. I have no present debt, no car payments, no credit debt, and student loan is deferred and will probably be permanently deferred due to my income level and age. I paid off half of it. For now I can stay in deferred status.


When I started to think about moving near my son and back to my homeland it is as if my heavy heart suddenly sprouted wings! I feel more light-hearted and hopeful. While the thought of staying leaves me feeling depressed and hopeless.

But I do feel a little crazy. I am doing this all alone although on the "other side" my son will be there and he is already scouting the area for a possible new hometown in that area of the country for me. He lives in a very large city and I don't want to move to a large city. I want to move to a small town outside the city that is connected by bus and train. The last time I moved somewhere by myself was a very, very, very long time ago...when I was in my 20's. Now I am in my 60's.


On the plus side is I would be moving to an area I know intimately. I would be moving to my homeland area...but not my town of birth, specifically, because it is an economically depressed town now and not a place where I would thrive. I would be moving somewhere with family nearby. I would be moving somewhere with a lower cost-of-living and possibly with better social services. If God Forbid I got Covid19 or something else as serious...I would not be all alone.


Not so plus...moving during a pandemic! Having to accrue debt to move! Will need to get new health care because my provider isn't in that state. Will have to leave my beloved dentist of 25 years, and my beloved mechanic of 10 years. I DO NOT HAVE A FRIEND LEFT IN THIS TOWN but a good mechanic is gold and my dentist is like a friend and also gold!


I have been so unhappy and depressed and anxious especially in the last five years. It is mainly because of feeling socially isolated. This is kind of common problem in the county where I live, and overall in the state where I live. The suicide rate in this western mountain state has been climbing. It has one of the highest suicide rates in the country - a dirty little secret not discussed much. The population is growing at an insane rate, but housing is barely affordable as rents are high, and many "transplants" encounter the social isolation here as an unwelcome surprise. And this was BEFORE Covid19.

The property management will be emailing me the new lease to sign within the next week or two. I will have to give notice of moving at that time. Then all this will be reality. I am sure I will feel anxious and insecure. But I have a feeling that this is now or never. I also feel if I stay here I will become homeless in reality.

"Don't wait. The time will never be just right." - Napoleon Hill.