Recent conversation between me and my 85 y/o mother:

Me: The recent zoom call with the whole family left me, my husband, and son cold. We felt no love coming from anyone toward anyone. Rather than lifting spirits in this pandemic, it was toxic.

Mom: Left you cold, it left me raging. But you can’t have those feelings, just get over it.

Me: You can’t tell me what to feel. This is what I feel. (This is me feeling empowered due to learning about emotional invalidation here on PC)

Mom: I can tell you how to feel. I am your mother.,

Me: Well, I don’t have to listen to you.

Mom: Yes you do!

Me: No I don’t!



This is the best I can do, keeping enough contact to maintain a relationship and distancing enough to try to keep sane. I love and want to have a mother. This dynamic of being made to feel incompetent and insignificant, totally unimportant has been a life long issue.

I used to listen to her as her advice was wise. But over time, I saw she made really poor choices for herself and she was contrary in what she said to me. So, I try to trust myself and make my own decisions without having to consult anybody any more.