Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes
It's unfortunate, but a lot of parents think they have a right to tell their children how and what to feel. Many parents simply don't realize how instead their parenting is supposed to be about helping their children actually understand their emotions and gradually be ok with their own feelings about things they experience.
Actually, the fact that you felt uncomfortable about your mother seeing you with your head shaved tells me that your mother taught you to worry about what others think instead of being confident in yourself and comfortable with yourself. Her praise is conditional and based on her preferences and likes, not yours or anyones for that matter. She is acting like she owns you instead of respecting your personal space that is now yours and no longer hers. Her love is conditional instead of being unconditional which is what you feel when you are around her or interact with her. Always telling you what she needs you to be instead of supporting you for what YOU want to be.
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Thanks.
That makes a lot of sense. There have been many times when it's felt like her love is conditional, although I have that fixed idea in my head "all parents love their kids unconditionally". I know that isn't anywhere near true, but then think my mom must be better because nobody has physically hurt me.
There are a couple of things that have really stood out. I'm transgender, and my parents took ages to accept that. I remember so many things my mom did and said that has permanently changed the way I feel about her. When I was a kid I remember her telling me that all men are b*st*rds. I don't think she saw how saying things can stick in a child's mind for an entire lifetime. Also something kind of odd that happens to me.... my mom adores animals, and when she talks to her pets she has total, unconditional love in her voice. I have always had this knee jerk reaction of feeling incredibly sad when I head her talking lovingly to the dogs, or even when I hear other people doing that. I can't pinpoint exactly why but it just makes me feel like crying.
Sorry, that's all quite melodramatic.