Thanks.
That makes a lot of sense. There have been many times when it's felt like her love is conditional, although I have that fixed idea in my head "all parents love their kids unconditionally". I know that isn't anywhere near true, but then think my mom must be better because nobody has physically hurt me.

There are a couple of things that have really stood out. I'm transgender, and my parents took ages to accept that. I remember so many things my mom did and said that has permanently changed the way I feel about her. When I was a kid I remember her telling me that all men are b*st*rds. I don't think she saw how saying things can stick in a child's mind for an entire lifetime. Also something kind of odd that happens to me.... my mom adores animals, and when she talks to her pets she has total, unconditional love in her voice. I have always had this knee jerk reaction of feeling incredibly sad when I head her talking lovingly to the dogs, or even when I hear other people doing that. I can't pinpoint exactly why but it just makes me feel like crying.

Sorry, that's all quite melodramatic.