Hm. I hadn't considered that. I mean, I know that people widely misunderstand mental illness, but I hope that the people I trust will know me well enough to understand. At the same time, although it's true that a lot of my wife's behaviour could be considered abusive, it isn't the same as a sociopathic husband who beats his wife, for example. I just read a newspaper article about a schoolteacher who developed extreme sexually dysfunctional and pedophilic behaviours which vanished completely after a previously-undiagnosed brain tumor was removed (click here for the story). Those behaviours weren't his fault. My wife's abusive behaviour is caused by a chronic chemical imbalance in her brain, which causes a bunch of other behaviours as well. I'll try to make my family understand that.

The people I'm planning on telling are my parents and one really good friend who is actually a mutual friend of both of us. Hopefully that's a small enough and close enough group of people to keep things under control.

This brings up a question I'm very interested in, for obvious reasons: What's the best way to tell your family and close friends about the struggles you've been having with a mentally ill spouse?

Personally, I type better than I talk, so I'm writing out a summary of the last seven years or so of my life to send to them, and I'll call them to talk to them about it afterward. That way I won't miss anything, and I can be careful to only include the facts and to leave out the emotion. I don't want them to hate her.