I’m highly disappointed that I have not heard back from some colleagues. It makes me mad, sad, and discouraged. Whatever happened to personal and professional courtesy?
WHAT I FEEL LIKE SAYING BUT WON’T
M, why in the f*** didn’t respond to L’s and my email? That’s so f’ing rude and unprofessional. I’m tired of having to chase you down.
C, why do you constantly ignore my emails? You were very positive after our last interaction, but then you ghost me.
D, I don’t get it. One day you tell me what a great job I’m doing and the next you tell me to wait.
TRIGGER: No response to email from M, C, and D, and no contact from DM
AUTO: This is f’ed. This means M is mad at me. It means C thinks I’m a loser. It means D is going to make it harder to work together. It ultimately means their company no longer wants to work with me, so my business will be ruined.
DISTORTIONS. Discounting the positive + Catastrophizing
RATIONAL CONVERSATION.
C. I completely understand why you would be upset. Overall you have a big issue with feeling rejected and ignored. I also understand why this might feel hurtful. I also understand your distress and fear because this has to do with your livelihood.
M. That’s exactly right. I’m sad, angry, discouraged, and afraid. Plus, I just read about how another company offers a competitive product. I feel incompetent and impotent.
C. Thanks for sharing. It’s useful to get these emotions out in the open, so we have something to work with. Okay if I ask you a few questions?
M. Please do
C. If I’m not mistaken, even though you haven’t heard back from M, the opportunity with CL still exists, right? I know it’s delayed but per L’s email, he’s requesting to wait until August. In fact, he said he wants to do the deal but because of COVID they don’t have budget right now. The main thing is that they want to move forward. Also, budget will become available at some point. In other words, it’s not like the customer is saying to get lost. The opportunity still exists and you have an agreement to regroup in August, right?
M. That’s true
C. So, given this, there’s a high likelihood that you and M will interact probably in the near term because he has to respond to the customer and by default also with you, right?
M. That’s true. I doubt he would have responded to the customer without copying me..
C. Feel a little bit better about this issue with M?
M. Yes, thanks
C. You emailed M again this morning. My advice is that you wait until later this morning or early afternoon and then call and/or text M. Again, the main issue is getting back to the customer and that will happen.
M. That’s true. Thanks for helping me see this perspective.
C. Regarding the lack of response from C, if I’m not mistaken, he sent you a text saying “good job” just last week after you showed him the product, right?
M. That’s true. He did.
C. He also told you that a large company specifically asked for your product, right?
M. Yes, he did say that.
C. And his colleague was also complimentary, right?
M. Yes, she was.
C. And the week before he reached out to you to include you in a meeting with a VERY important executive at a VERY important company, right?
M. Yes, he did.
C. Let’s explore this a little bit.
M. Okay
C. Do you think he would have invited you to such an important meeting if he still didn’t believe in PM?
M. That’s a fair point
C. Think about it. He knows HS. He knows G. He knows MT. But he invited you, right? That’s a big deal. He did not have to do this, right?
M. You’re right. He didn’t.
C. D, that’s the ultimate form of belief in what you’re doing. And he also asked you about S position in your company, right?
M. That’s also true.
C. You’re completely ignoring this comment. He just got off a call where you showed your product to this very important guy at this very important company and the first thing he asks is, what’s S position with your company? He did this based on how this very important person at this very important company reacted to your product. Come on, man. This is a very, very positive signal, right?
M. You’re right. It is. I had completely dismissed this.
C. That act outweighs his not returning your email by 100x. Come on, man!
M. Okay. You’re right. Thanks for reminding me and helping me appreciate the importance of that gesture.
C. Feel better about the issue with C now?
M. Yes, much better. Thanks! BTW, I just heard back from M. We’re on for Thursday.
C. Excellent. Regarding D, did he tell you that he’s excited about working with you?
M. Yes
C. Did he say he is working on putting together an agreement to work together?
M. Yes
C. Have ALL of your conversations with him over the last several weeks been VERY positive?
M. Yes, they have
C. Did he encourage you to create a “new” product that S can sell?
M. Yes, he did
C. Why is that a big deal?
M. Well, for one because it’s his idea, he will endorse it.
C. Why is that a big deal?
M. Because he and the team he is building of which I will be a part only focuses on very large companies. This creates the opportunity to sell PM to lots of big companies. For one, I will be able to sell my product and services under their name, which is huge.
C. Why is that “huge”?
M. Because they have a GREAT brand in our field, so being able to call on companies as part of their company SIGNIFICANTLY improves my ability to generate business.
C. Why?
M. Because they are a large and very well known and respected company whereas my company is relatively unknown. I would no longer have to worry about the objection of “Who are you?” or “How many customers do you have?” I cannot begin to tell you how helpful and appealing this is for me.
C. Very good. Feel better, overall?
M. Yes, much, much better. Thanks for helping me take a step back and see things from a different, logical, and evidence-based perspective. This has been hugely helpful. I’m grateful to have found a little corner of the Internet to be able to vent and problem solve “in public.” There is something very cathartic about this.
C. I’m so glad to hear this. I enjoyed our conversation and happy to hear it helped. Have an awesome day.
M. Thanks. You too!