neodk welcome back to PC.

I can share similar circumstances with you here, although I am not married with children. But, I too, have asked the same questions that you have. Not just recently, but since I was in my teens and I'm 49 now.

I too, have kept my "truth" hidden about who I am, for so long, I feel disconnected now, to my true self. It's an unpleasant place to be. As a result of denying my true self, I've wasted 30 years not pursuing goals and dreams and opportunities that I"ll never have access to again, or now. So, my advice to you is: stop hiding from your true self right now. If it's a career change, a gender change, whatever it is. Before it's too late. Before you cross the point of no return and lose the ability to pursue the goals and dreams and opportunities you once had. I can't.

It's like writer Catherine Aird once wrote, "If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning." Let me be that horrible warning to you. Do not end up like me. Someone who gave up on herself 30 years ago. And there's nothing I can do about it now. You don't want to become that person. Believe me.
l
I don't know you like the others do at PC or why you're on medications.

I am unfortunately, estranged from my entire family which happened gradually over the years. How is your marriage? Does your wife support you going off of your medications? Does she know?

What "truths" are you hiding from your wife and children? From your extended family and friends?