Hi everyone,
I am writing regarding my brother who has multiple mental health issues. He is 39 years old and lives north of Los Angeles. Since childhood, he has had multiple psychiatric diagnoses including ADHD, OCD, depression. He's seen many psychiatrists and psychologists and been on countless medication regimens. He has been on and off abusing substance like adderall, benzos, marijuana, alcohol. He plays video games all night since his early 20s and avoiding other pursuits like employment, dating, friendships, and family. He has episodes of becoming aggressive at times and
Based on all his behaviors, I believe he has borderline personality disorder.
He is a smart guy in a lot of ways. He earned a bachelors in english, and is well read. However over the last 10-15 years he has progressively struggled with finding stability and independence in his life and is becoming less functional. He was recently living in a subsidized apartment and could barely keep it clean or cook for himself.
Our family doesn’t know how to help him succeed. He has been in and out of many sober living homes over the past 10 yrs. Last year he started working full time after 10 yrs of refusing to work and living off my parents. Every time they tried to establish boundaries, or cut him off, he would say that he’s feeling
. They were scared so they continued their financial support. He quit his last job because his anxiety worsened. He thought that his co-workers were all talking about him and conspiring against him.
For the last 3 months, he has been in a residential mental health program and living at their affiliated sober living home. Many of the patients who went there had been in horrible shape before and ended up benefiting tremendously, going on to do well afterwards. However, he seems to be getting worse. His therapist there told him he’s the most resistant to treatment patient she has seen in 20 years! He doesn’t want to work. My parents won’t totally withdraw support because they feel like he will be homeless, do drugs, and end up actually
The social worker says he doesn’t qualify for disability. The psychiatrist says he could write a letter for disability but it would be doing him a big disservice. It seems like almost everyone involved in his care says he can work.
We are trying to figure out where he can go after this. He refuses to go to sober living. We are trying to get him into a group home but the one’s we visited have people who can barely talk and have serious cognitive issues. My parents are getting older, more tired, stressed and don't have the mental strength to set boundaries or cut him off as so many people recommend.
I would be extremely grateful for any advise.
Sincerely,
Bob