Last two days have been a mixed bag, like this mania. Monday I was busy at work so I was distracted enough that I was able to ignore everything. It was a blessing in a sense. I even forgot to leave an annoying message for my doctor to come back to today. Everything was still bad but I was distracted a bit. Today was pretty bad. I'm doing everything to avoid hospitalization. Wife is helping and wants to adhere to my wishes about hosp for now. Called doc. They jacked up my trileptal. I'm on orders to take my prns on a schedule now. They put me to sleep at work, but she says she doesn't care (the doc she says that). The trileptal makes me pretty sleepy too. They also want to try to keep me out of hosp but aren't too optimistic because they think its a matter of meds at this point. Agree with mixed episode diag.

Last week it was about me mowing lawn as a sign of life, now i'm not allowed to, lol. Every sound is magnified and painful. My wife explained it to the kids today, they know about BD, but haven't really cared to learn about it on their own or ask a lot of questions about it. She gave them the basics and explained that the noise really bothers me now. I'm propped up with pillows and typing this to you guys and sending a few dms, and then writing in my journal, and then going to bed. Just wanted to check in to let you all know that I'm alive and that I'm sending good vibe to all of my friends and to those who need it right now. Take good care of yourselves.