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Old Jul 08, 2020, 07:29 AM
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Have Hope Have Hope is offline
Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,734
Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
I have a way of being easily influenced when talking with other people about decisions I have a hard time making. Ultimately this is your life and marriage.

Anyone could give you reasons to try to work it out or to end it.

I think individual and couples therapy is a good idea no matter how this ends up.

You said you never had a healthy relationship before, so it’s fair to assume that this one would also have plenty of bumps in the road.

Some of the bad things you said he does are preventable by your not enabling them. Some things are changeable, should he want to. There are probably things you are also doing that can improve.

The biggest question I’d be pondering is What does he bring to your life? In my marriage, he brings a lot. In yours, it sounds like you are the one keeping him afloat. But maybe he brings you something that makes that worth it to you, like companionship.

Maybe a therapist can help you both diffuse the whole dynamic where he yells at you.

I’d still want to know if he knowingly duped you into signing for that car, simply because it was advantageous for him. As a couple, it should have been honestly learned about and discussed like adults and an informed decision made together.

I’m not sure what to suggest regarding your living together right now and it being so volatile. Be safe and smart.
Thank you, TIsha.

Wise words you have here.

I guess therapy will help to uncover a lot of these questions and answers.... it will help either way, I do believe.

He does bring me companionship. And fun times, when things are good.

Although, I've never said that all my relationships have been toxic. I've had healthy relationships and I know what they look like in comparison, but it's been a while. It's more so that the last several have been toxic.

He seems to truly mean his words. I now have to see if his behavior and actions back up his words.

I am just so tired.

I don't know if he duped me regarding the car lease. I mean, why wouldn't he ask his own wife to co-sign rather than a parent or a friend? I'm the one who makes the most sense, being the closest to him.
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