NEED TO VENT

TRIGGER: Making a car purchase

AUTO THOUGHTS: What the f*** are you doing? You’re such a f’ing idiot. We’re in the middle of a pandemic!

DISTORTIONS: Magnifying + Filtering + Labeling + Shoulds

RATIONAL CONVERSATION

C. I understand why you might feel anxious. This is a big purchase, so it’s understandable that you’d feel concerned. Let me ask you a few questions.

M. Okay

C. First, your current car is 20 years old, right?

M. That’s right

C. Tell me about it

M. It’s all banged up. It got hit by another car about 6 months ago and now has dent and a long scratch mark on the driver side. The hood is dented and the passenger side is all scratched up. The ceiling cover is drooping and falling off. The driver side window doesn’t go down and the driver side mirror is falling off. The engine stalls at stop lights. I’m constantly having to add coolant and even then the coolant light goes back on. And the engine is constantly sputtering.

C. Okay. You’ve also said that you feel “trapped.” What do you mean by this?

M. My wife and I are hesitant to drive too far a distance out of fear that car will break down. The battery has run out a couple of times in the last few months and I’ve had to call a tow truck to get it recharged.

C. Go on

M. Frankly, I’m ashamed to be seen in this car. Both times the battery stopped working was in a public setting with lots of people around. It felt so embarrassing to be seen in this piece of **** clunker with a tow truck next to it. I felt like such a low life.

C. Go on

M. Like I said, I feel trapped. I’m afraid to drive it because of the engine and I’m ashamed to drive because it’s such a clunker. It makes me feel depressed. I wish I was stronger and that I could tough it out, but the truth is that it really gets me down.

C. Seems to me that you’ve toughed it out for at least 10 years. The reality is that the car is in terrible shape, so it makes perfect sense to get a new one.

M. I suppose

C. So, what’s the worry?

M. The new car ended up being more expensive than I was originally planning on spending.

C. By how much?

M. $3K

C. Tell me about the new car

M. It’s 5 years old with less than 40k miles. I’ve been checking out cars for months and this the first time I’ve seen one at this price with such low mileage. Every other car I’ve seen typically had 80k to 160k miles. I’ve seen this same car type listed for thousands more with much higher mileage.

C. Great. So the consternation is around having to spend $3k more than you expected?

M. I suppose

C. Go on

M. I’m getting a check in the next few days which will pay for 80% of the car.

C. Go on

M. I’m still concerned about spending the full amount .

C. Okay, let me get this straight. You were comfortable using the payment you’ll be receiving this week to pay for the car, but the car ended up being $3k more than you expected, right?

M. Yes, the tax and fees brought the price up.

C. So, is what you’re saying that you would have been comfortable - not worried - if you were able to pay for the car in full with the upcoming payment?

M. Yes. I was prepared to use this check to pay for the car in full. I feel like an idiot for not fully considering the taxes and additional fees. I feel irresponsible.

C. Thanks for getting that out of your system. It’s reasonable that you needed to replace your exiting car after 20 years and given its current condition. The issue here is what to do about the $3k difference.

M. Okay

C. If I understand, you want to pay cash because you don’t want a car payment and you don’t want to take out a loan due to you trying to increase your credit score, right?

M. That’s right. I’d prefer to not have any additional debt.

C. Is part of the issue that you don’t want to apply for a loan because of the hassle of filling out a credit application and the fear of getting turned down or being charged a high interest rate?

M. That’s right

C. In that case, would you feel better if you had extra income to pay for the $3k difference?

M. Much better

C. So let’s explore what you can do to earn additional income to pay for the $3k.

M. Okay

C. The good news is that you have another new lucrative project that is due to close in the next month or so, right?

M. Yes, that’s right, thank God.

C. You also have the potential for at least one new deal through S, right?

M. Yes, in fact, I have a couple: O___ and R___

C. I think it would be helpful to look at this over a longer term horizon, say over the next 3-6 months.

M. Go on

C. It seems to me that you’re in shock because you have to outlay a large amount of money now, but you haven’t taken into account that you have good opportunities for income in the next several months that would more than pay for the difference and the car itself. Is that fair?

M. Yes. Good points.

C. Also, it seems that you are forgetting about the ____ income opportunity with S.

M. You’re right. I really didn’t think of it this way and had “forgotten” about the S long-term opportunity.

C. You need to replace the existing car for the reasons you cited earlier. You need a new car - period. Fair?

M. Yes, definitely. And I didn’t want to buy a high mileage car that had multiple owners, which is pretty much most of what I saw.

C. Okay, so you are solving a major problem and giving yourself the freedom to not feel and be stuck at home, right?

M. Yes

C. Okay, so we concluded that you have a check coming in this week that pays for the majority of the car, that you have a big payday in the next few months from this next project you will be part of in the next couple of months, and that you have a couple more opportunities with S that would more than pay for the car, right?

M. That’s right

C. Okay, here’s my advice. Enjoy your new car. It looks beautiful and less than 40k miles is unbelievable. You weren’t expecting that were you?

M. No, the last car I looked at for about the same price had close to 60k miles and most of the others had at least 80-90k, if not more.

C. Second, continue this week to focus on your “foundation.” It feels good to be making progress on your fitness, and weight and fat loss goals, right?

M. Definitely. Felt good to see the scale read a 5 pound and 1% body fat loss in a relatively short period of time and due to my training and diet and sleep hygiene discipline.

C. That’s great. Third, spend some time working on your product this week. It serves you well to do so because it helps you appreciate the opportunity it represents. Work on the PB. Review and update the listing. Update the demo.

M. Okay

C. For today, take care of finalizing the car purchase and schedule delivery. Make arrangements to donate your existing car and have it picked up. Take care of your stock situation. Schedule meeting with M. Call M. Focus on rebounding today. You had a tough night sleep wise, so focus on fitness, prayer, and reaching out.

M. Okay

C. Did this help?

M. Definitely. It helped put things in perspective. It really does help to get stuff out of my head and on “paper.” I’m finally after years going to solve this major problem. I found a great car with super low mileage. I just checked and a new 2020 model is 3X the price of this car. Also, thank God, that I do have multiple income opportunities that will make this a non issue. This was very helpful. Thank you! I am a bit tired, so I will focus on wellness and getting back in balance today.

C. Good, ___. Things are not as dire as you make them out to be, my friend. It's easy to get mired in negative thoughts. That's the brain’s tendency, especially given everything that's going on with the pandemic. This is your “staycation” week. Take it. Do the foundation stuff and the work items listed above. Take care of yourself and get after it!

M. Thanks again. Will do.