I have decided to start journaling. My therapist recommended it. I used to journal all the time from 14-19. Never went anywhere without my notebook. I stopped and never started again. But I feel it’s imperative now. I have too much to work out in my mind. My toxic relationship with my late husband, the crushing guilt of how I ruined my brother’s life with my antics, the fact that when I looked up co dependency in relation to my brother and his wife I realized holy **** that’s actually me...aye. I won’t have my therapist at my beck and call every moment of every day, and RS shouldn’t be required to be my therapist either.

My world is crashing down around me more and more every day as I uncover more truths about the past that I willingly stuck my head in the sand over and refused to see. I need to come to terms with them. I am very confused and overwhelmed.

I thought I was over my trauma from childhood but I am uncovering trauma from the years afterward that I absolutely did not see coming.