Quote:
Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25
I have decided to start journaling. My therapist recommended it. I used to journal all the time from 14-19. Never went anywhere without my notebook. I stopped and never started again. But I feel it’s imperative now. I have too much to work out in my mind. My toxic relationship with my late husband, the crushing guilt of how I ruined my brother’s life with my antics, the fact that when I looked up co dependency in relation to my brother and his wife I realized holy **** that’s actually me...aye. I won’t have my therapist at my beck and call every moment of every day, and RS shouldn’t be required to be my therapist either.
My world is crashing down around me more and more every day as I uncover more truths about the past that I willingly stuck my head in the sand over and refused to see. I need to come to terms with them. I am very confused and overwhelmed.
I thought I was over my trauma from childhood but I am uncovering trauma from the years afterward that I absolutely did not see coming.
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I think Journaling is one of the best things you can do for yourself.
You had the trauma and realizing now that your first husband has damaged you on numerous levels and finding him caused your PTSD ..
I will not go into details as I do not want to trigger anyone, But lets say I thought I have a couple rocks to look under and it snow balled into a whole rock garden... It was brutal and exhausting,, But its work that I needed to do for my own well being.
When my life imploded and boom " you have Bipolar" I did talk to my husband about it all the time. Bipolar and other factors had use both decide our marriage was over.. We survived it somehow , thankfully..
But I learned a valuable lesson Steve isnt my T, If I told him 15% of what blows through my brain daily he would be so overwhelmed. Most men are fixers its just there nature and that can overwhelm them .
So if I am really struggling I will give him a heads up, He always tells me if I want to talk he is there, and I have a couple times but I talk to my T, Bipolar friends, they get it, Never any judgement and I can say how I really feel and they are not going to freak out.
My Husband and I have a very deep relationship and we talk about pretty much everything..
I choose to make Bipolar the smallest part of my marriage as possible.
I'm sorry your Brother is moving and your losing that connection.. I thought my relationship with my brother was over when he got married and moved 4 hours away. Few phone calls a year ( long before texting) Now? We chat off and on through the week. anytime Steve has been in the hospital he is calling me numerous times a day to see how we are... He lives 10 hours away and I normally see him twice a year when we go to Florida. But we are much closer now.. So don't write your brother off. He needs to go live his life too..
Mt T has literally beat this into my head " guys think differently that girls' My Daughter texts Steve numerous times a week just to say hi .. how are you doing? or send him a stupid meme she knows he will love or if she knows we will be out for a Doctor appt and have a signal she will call to chat... His sons? They have gone weeks with out sending him a text, Not even replying to ones he has sent them. Males like in the animal kingdom find a mate and they move on with there life, Its not fair of course, But I think he is going to make time to keep in touch..