Hello. I read your post, and I think you need to continue to work on these issues with a therapist.

That being said, from my own perspective, I think the best thing for you to do is to break off this unhealthy attachment you have with your current woman, no matter what consequences you face. And it is an unhealthy attachment.

The only way forward is to be able to give yourself all that was missing from your mother as a child: validation, self-love, self-affirmations, self confidence and self worth..... you need to fill yourself up with so much self love that you don't end up compromising yourself in a relationship, your self worth or your self esteem in order to receive some amount of attention and affection back from a woman.

We need to feel whole all by ourselves, before we are able to share in a love that is a healthy love. And feeling whole on our own involves working on self love.

Otherwise, you will continue to seek female mother figures to fill that empty hole in yourself that was deprived of love and attention that you needed as a child.

Right now, you are self sacrificing, making a woman the center of your world in order to receive love in return. That's not healthy.

What is healthy is reciprocal giving and receiving. A healthy relationship is give and take, but also involves giving time to oneself. One cannot make another person the center of their whole existence. That creates an imbalance, and then one's own needs and desires are neglected.

So give to yourself first, and start working on self love with your therapist. Once you truly start loving yourself, you will find less of a need in life to have a romantic partner fulfill something that has been missing within you.

I hope this makes sense.