Hi Have Hope, I'm going through the same thing. We've had our first session and my epiphany was that (1) the therapist didn't care about my long list of abuse that my stbx perpetuates and his various mental illnesses. (2) My stbx is doing this as just another form of emotional manipulation, (3) this is going to take years to get better and I don't think the marriage has years left of life. (4) the stbx lies even in therapy, so there isn't much point in it at all, (5) if the stbx isn't going to take responsibility for his actions, which he never does, the therapy has no hope.

I had chosen a psychologist for the marriage therapy in hopes that he would be able to recognize what he is seeing, but I don't get the impression that the psychologist is interested in more than the superficial.

I'm hoping marriage counseling will work for you and that your husband is really willing to change. Bear in mind that change is hard to accomplish and mental illness can be very difficult to cure,