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Originally Posted by PinkandBlue
Hi Have Hope, I'm going through the same thing. We've had our first session and my epiphany was that (1) the therapist didn't care about my long list of abuse that my stbx perpetuates and his various mental illnesses. (2) My stbx is doing this as just another form of emotional manipulation, (3) this is going to take years to get better and I don't think the marriage has years left of life. (4) the stbx lies even in therapy, so there isn't much point in it at all, (5) if the stbx isn't going to take responsibility for his actions, which he never does, the therapy has no hope.
I had chosen a psychologist for the marriage therapy in hopes that he would be able to recognize what he is seeing, but I don't get the impression that the psychologist is interested in more than the superficial.
I'm hoping marriage counseling will work for you and that your husband is really willing to change. Bear in mind that change is hard to accomplish and mental illness can be very difficult to cure,
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I'm so sorry that it's not working out for you as you may have hoped. It takes a very good therapist who can detect an abuser's manipulations and lies. At the same time, if the abuser/spouse lies in therapy and uses it as a way to manipulate, then what IS the point? Nothing will change, and he is not taking full responsibility.
It sounds like you may need to end the marriage, I'm sorry to say.
As for me, I believe my husband will take ownership of his behaviors. I don't expect him to deny, lie or manipulate, because he was willing to admit to everything when I confronted him on his behaviors.
Now we'll see if he continues to take full ownership when we see a therapist. Oh, and it's not mental illness that my husband suffers from. He DOES have some mental health issues, but he mirrors and emulates his father's abusive behaviors. That's why he is the way he is.
If he does not take full responsibility when we get to therapy, I will end the therapy session and I will end the marriage right then and there.