I'm sorry. That's a horrendously painful thing to hear from T and I have had the same reaction to similar comments made by the T's I've seen.

Yes ultimately the responsibility for healing lies with us; however the T CAN provide a caring, nurturing environment where we can feel cared for, understood and empathised with, which can eventually be internalised and given to ourselves.

It is very difficult to give ourselves loving care if we haven't been shown it by a nurturing figure. This is where T can come in.

Some people learn to do it all alone through inner child work, meditations etc but more often therapy is needed so the child part can have a space to be listened to and the deepest longings and needs to be heard and empathised with.

Therapists do vary on their stance when it comes to listening to the inner child's needs and feelings from reparenting clients to only responding to the adult part. I had a T who didn't acknowledge the child part and I didn't really heal as that part of me wasn't given a voice in there.

I think there's a balance - we have to parent ourselves yes, but the T can play a big part in providing a nurturing space which makes that possible.